


Road to Recovery

by YojoXD



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Disability, Hurt Chris, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Torture
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-22
Updated: 2021-01-11
Packaged: 2021-03-10 06:09:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,124
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27668672
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YojoXD/pseuds/YojoXD
Summary: Some things just don´t let you jump straight back into action. Maybe being tortured by a crazy Romulan is one of those things.
Relationships: James T. Kirk/Leonard "Bones" McCoy, Philip Boyce/Christopher Pike
Comments: 10
Kudos: 21





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> I´m not a native English speaker so please forgive my mistakes. I try my very best. :)  
> Also this is my first Fanfic so I´m actually a bit nervous putting it out there.

The Centaurian Slug is described to be the most hideous of creatures. Outfitted with little spikes and suckers and just big enough to be swallowed.

All in all not a creature one wants to meet, but unfortunately the Centaurian Slug was found to be quite the truth serum. The little bugger managed this feat after in gestation by travelling through the body of its host and latching onto the brainstem all the while releasing a neurotoxin. Once there it does not -as one might imagine- immediately kill its host, but stays put and starts to reproduce. The eggs are swept through the entire body until they hatch. The larvae feed mostly off of myelin thus slowly paralysing the unfortunate host. If not treated this leads to death through starvation or (more mercifully) through a loss of basic autonomic functions as a result of the damaged brain stem.


	2. Chapter 1

Beep…beep…beep…

Chris came to rhythmic beeping.

He had no idea where he was.

Opening his eyes turned out to be far more difficult than it should be and once he managed to peel his lids back he was instantly assaulted by blinding white. He had to blink a couple of times before his eyes adjusted to the light and he could focus them on anything. He was greeted by a sterile, white ceiling.

Medbay his mind provide, but how he ended up here remained a mystery.

There was a vacant chair next to his bed. The Medbay looked a right mess. Phil had never in all their years…  
It looked like something had exploded, scorched ceiling and everything. Wait where was Phil?

The beeping increased. He looked around frantically, not really seeing anything. Suddenly there was a hand on his shoulder and a face in his line of vision.

“Easy Chris. Deep breaths.”

“Phl?”, he croaked his throat feeling like sandpaper.His eyes still darting around, the face in front of him swimming in and out of focus.

“Chris you gotta calm down.”

Something was pressed against his neck. The face in front of him came into focus again. It was somewhat familiar and Chris had the distinct feeling he should actually know the name for that face.

“Phil”, he tried to croak again.

There was a frown on the face.

“Phil is fine Chris, he´s safe and sound back home on earth. And you should actually be sleeping with the amount of anaesthetics still in your system.”

Phil was fine.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Chris felt the tug of unconsciousness and didn´t resist.

His second rise to consciousness was much slower.

First he was aware of lying in a bed that was very much not his own. He had the distinct feeling he actually should be in pain. Well he sure wasn´t complaining.

Then he became aware of quiet voices and someone was holding his hand.

“He´ll be alright, won´t he Bones?”

“We´ll see, Jim”

Jim, that name rang a bell somewhere. Bright blue eyes and a blond fringe came to mind. Jim, he tried to turn the name around in his mind, but found he was just too tired for that right now.

Just before he drifted off again he felt someone, Jim presumably squeeze his hand. 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

He awoke abruptly, images flashing through his mind.

A distress call from Vulcan.

The Enterprise.

The drill.

Nero.

Earths defence codes.

Pain.

Something in his mouth he was forced to swallow.

He felt his stomach turn and tried to lean over the side of the bed unsuccessfully. He only managed to turn his head to the side before his stomach contracted painfully.

There were swift footsteps and then someone shoved him in a semi upright position, arms around his back and something was put under his chin. He continued to dry heave, but there was nothing in his stomach to make a reappearance.

“I gave you something against the nausea.”

That was Lens voice. He only coughed weakly in response.

His body felt completely drained by the time the dry heaving stopped. Len lowered him slowly on the bed again, his upper body still slightly elevated. He pushed a straw between Chris lips and he drank the water greedily.

“Earths defence codes”, he rasped suddenly, slight panic seeping back into his voice.

“Jim dealt with that Chris. You don’t have to worry about it.”

He sighed. “How long have I been out and how did I get here from …”, he jerked his head. He felt tiredness sweeping through his body.

“Jim got you out of there Chris.”

Right. He remembered someone dragging him away and then shooting.

“But Jim´s alright, right?”, he slurred fighting off sleep.

“Yeah, a little scraped up that´s all. Come on ´, don´t fight sleep you need it. Your body needs time to heal.”

With that he let his eyes fall shut again. His body felt heavy against the biobed.

Wait…

His body felt different, wrong somehow.

His eyes snapped open, he was wide awake now. Panicking he breathed:

“Len I can´t feel my legs! Why can´t I feel them? Len?”

Leonard had not even turned completely around to leave yet. He was at Chris side in an instant. 

“Chris, ok, take a deep breath. That´s it. I´m working on it Chris, but there was a hell of a lot of damage done to your spinal cord.”

Chris swallowed.

“We´ll get you transferred to earth and into Starfleet Medical as soon as possible.”

Chris nodded not really comprehending.

“Does Phil know?”

“Yes I called him after you were stable and out of surgery. He´s anxiously awaiting your arrival at earth.”

“Len can I talk to him?”

Leonard eyed him critically and then nodded.

“But only for a short while alright? Your body really does need rest.”

He placed a Com in Chris hand.

“You got five minutes.”

Phils frequency was already input. He just pressed the button and hoped Phil would actually be there.  
Phil answered in mere seconds as if he´d been waiting for a call.

Chris just stared at him not really registering what Pil was saying. Phil looked tired and his eyes were red rimmed. His hair was completely tussled, as if he´d been pushing his hands through it time and time again. He most probably had.

“Chris honey?”, there was worry in his voice. Chris must have stared a bit too long.

“Phil”, he croaked.

Seeing Phil safe and healthy and just there made a pressure he didn´t know was actually there lift.  
He sank more deeply in his bed, eyes closing of their own accord.  
His body was putting him to sleep if he wanted or not.


	3. Chapter 2

He was lying on his stomach and someone was loosely holding his hand.

He cracked one eye open and his heart melted. There was Phil asleep in an uncomfy looking chair one hand holding his own.

Well that meant he was on earth now didn´t it?

Looking around was quite hard in this position, but his surroundings looked different.  
Fleet Medical most probably.  
It seemed to be night judging by the dim light in the room.

He could still not feel anything waist down he realised with a bang. He guessed he had to get used to that feeling.  
He tried pocking himself, but didn’t feel anything on his upper leg and he didn´t want to shuffle more lest he wake up Phil.

He focused his gaze on his right foot under the covers and tried to move it.  
Nothing.  
He swallowed painfully.

What if Len couldn´t just fix it, he had the feeling this couldn’t just be fixed.

He´d never walk again.

The thought came out of nowhere.

Never walk.

Never captain a starship.

He´d need help with basically everything.

His breath hitched in his throat. He tried to take a deep breath but couldn´t.

Never walk again.

Never ever.

His thoughts were going in circles and he couldn´t breathe.

“Chris, Chris try to breathe with me.  
Deep breath in and out again.  
Come on you can do it.  
In and Out.”

Chris tried following the instructions and slowly his foggy mind cleared.

“Phil, I´ll never walk again”, he whispered a stray tear running down his cheek.

“Oh Chrissy!”

Phil lay his arm comfortingly across his shoulders and Chris pressed his face against him.  
More tears were running down his face.

Chris spoke softly while Chris cried himself to sleep.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The next time he woke up it was daytime and he was lying on his back again.

“Good morning Sunshine”

“Phil”

Phil was carding a hand through his hair.

“How´re you feeling? Any pain?”

Chris shook his head.

“Numb, can´t really feel anything down there”, he said sadly.

“Hey”, Phil said turning his Chris´ head so that he could look him in the eyes:  
“We`ll get through this together. One step at a time.”

Chris just nodded.

“You´re alive Chrissy and I´m damn grateful for that.  
I´ll call Len, tell him you´ve woken up alright?”

Another nod.

“Boyce to McCoy. He´s woken up Len.”

Len was there a couple of minutes later looking over the Biobed readouts.

“So what´s the damage, Len?”

“Well.”

Len was looking him over and then at the readouts again. Seemingly satisfied with what he saw he settled down in another chair.

“The little bugger caused quite a lot of problems. As soon as you were in Medaby I operated on you and got the main slug out of your brainstem. Thank god it didn´t do a lot of damage there. But your body was full of larvae.  
I managed to remove them as well, but not after they feasted off of your myelin. Most of them were in your lower spinal chord, so most of the damage is from here downwards.”

Len held his hand to an area on his Stomach.

Chris nodded, that made sense with how he felt.

“Myelin is the stuff surrounding your nerves Chris. Without it the signal can´t get from one nerve cell to the next, simply speaking. The body can´t regenerate myelin, but we can grow it from your stem cells.  
At leat in theory. I´m working on a way to actually make that happen in a way for the cells to be transplantable.”

“So until you manage that I´ll be stuck without feeling down there? It won´t get any better with time or PT or something?”

Chris voice was very nearly pleading.

Leonard shook his head.

“No and even if we could transplant right now your body isn´t up to anything strenuous at the moment. You´ve been under an enormous amount of stress Chris. Your vitals just stabilised in the last couple of days.”

“When will I be released?”

And how would that actually work?  
There were steps to their apartment and he couldn´t even stand up to do anything.  
Len and Phil shared a look.

“Chris love you´ll be here for a while longer. We don´t wanna rush things. We want to be sure you´re ready and healthy, ok?”

Chris nodded his acquiescence. How could he not with Pil sounding so worried.  
It certainly would do him no harm if he stayed here for the time being.

“All right Phil. One step at a time just like you said.”

Len cleared his throat: “Jim wanted to come by some time this afternoon after his meetings.”

With that he left saying something about other patients and giving them privacy.

Chris squeezed Phils´ hand. Phil just looked at him.

“Come on let´s get you propped up a little so that we can eat.”

“That sounds good.”

Though he wasn´t hungry, but still. It would make Phil happy.

“OK Chris. I´ll elevate your upper body, but you gotta tell me if you get dizzy all right?”

Another nod.

Phil let the Biobed rise slowly, but after mere seconds Chris felt his head spin and he wasn´t even remotely upright yet.  
He tried to shake it away, but only got dizzier.

“´m dizzy Phil”, he mumbled: “Why´s that?”

“It´s normal Chris. You´ve been lying pretty straight love. Your circulation is quite low.”

“I think it´s going away…What are we gonna eat anyway?”

“We´ll see what´s on the meal plan for today. You sure you´re alright now?”

“Looking forward to the stuff they call food around here.”

A small smile flittered across Phils´ face. And damn was it good seeing the worry lines decrease even if only for a couple of seconds.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The hospital food was as bad as ever.

Chris wasn´t even sure what it was actually supposed to be. Phil had said it was vegetable soup.  
It tasted more or less like water with small pieces in it, but Chris didn’t complain.

They ate in companionable silence. Phil was eating something more solid, but also not more appetisingly looking.

All went well until Chris shovelled a potato piece in his mouth.

Suddenly he felt a hand clamping on his face and something being shoved down his throatand, he couldn´t breathe  
And he felt like his heart was gonna explode it was beating so fast   
And Neros´ voice and his stomach was turning.

There was a distant clattering and his stomach ws weirdly warm and wet.

He wanted to move, because he was going to be sick but he couldn´t.

There were still hands on his face and he was throwing up.

His vision started to grey around the edges.


	4. Chapter 3

The first time Phil had heard back from the Enterprise was Len comming him.

That in itself was worrying.

Not that he and Len weren´t in contact, just the fact that it wasn´t Chris made Phil uneasy.

Len had looked utterly exhausted.

He´d said Chris had been captured and if that hadn´t made Phils´heart skip a beat. Furthermore Len had said something about extensive nerve damage and a Centaurian slug.

Phil was entirely too shocked to take away anything else from that conversation.  
\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The next call he received was actually from Chris, but not any less worrying.

Chris had looked fragile and hurt and Phil wanted to take care of him but couldn`t.

He hadn´t even been conscious long enough for anything other than a raspy `Phil´ and hell if that hadn´t broken Phils´ heart.

He knew of course that it was rather unusual for Chris to be awake and that lucid so soon, but then again Chris had always recovered fast from anaesthesia.

Len had come back soon after Chris had gone back to unconsciousness. He had looked at Phil through the Com after making sure Chris was fine bone deep exhaustion radiating from him.

“You look like you could use some sleep.”

“Pot kettle. But you´re right. He won´t be getting up anytime soon so I´ll go and get some shut eye. You should too.”

He was right Phil knew, but he was just so restless. He couldn´t do anything and that was bugging him. Normally when Chris was injured Phil was right there next to him, but not this time. This time Chris had shipped out without him and the Enterprise was still quite some time away from getting back to earth and bringing Chris to Phil.

It were going to be a couple of long days.  
\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Phil used the time until the Enterprise got back to earth to burrow his worries in work.

He also requested medical leave as soon as he got Chris back. His superior officer signed off on his request without as much as a blink of the eye. She would´ve given him medical leave immediately if he hadn´t objected and she made it very clear that he could take the time they both needed.

He talked to Jim a couple of times. The kid seemed just as worried as Phil was. Phil knew that he kept Chris` company as much as his tight schedule permitted and Phil was unendingly greatful for that.

He still got regular updates on Chris from Len. His heartbeat and breathing weren´t getting into a regular rhythm. At least not without external assistance yet. Len was confident that after Chris brainstem had had some time to heal his system would be able to regulate itself again.

Because of that Chris was kept under for the rest of the journey.  
\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

When the Enterprise finally got to earths` space dock Chris and Len were one of the first to beam down. Phil was waiting for them in medical.

There was the usual bustle until Chris was connected to all the equipment and transferred to his new bed.  
Len was the last to leave.

Suddenly Phil was alone with Chris. He looked so fragile. His hair was tacky and he lay unnaturally still in the bed. All the monitors and machinery surrounding him, making sure he stayed alive.

Phil took one of Chris hands putting a gentle kiss on top of his knuckles.

All the stress of waiting leaving him he just bowed his head as the dam broke and tears were streaming down his face.  
It had been such a close call.


	5. Chapter 4

Chris was really tired of waking up not knowing where he was, really fucking tired of it.

Opening his eyes provided a sterile room.

“Hey, you awake again?”

Chris turned his head to the voice, Phil was standing near the windows as if he´d just been looking outside.

“How long was I out?”, Chris asked trying to piece together why he had been asleep in the first place.

“Not even an hour.”

Phil had turned around completely facing Chris.

“I panicked over vegetable soup?” Chris voice was quiet and he could feel his face heating  
“I passed out panicking over vegetable soup of all things!” 

Phil was there in an instant taking one of Chris hand into both of his. His gaze was steady and he looked Chris in the eye as if to say `We´ll get through this´

Chris closed his eyes and swallowed.

There was a light knock on the door and then Jims´ head was pocking in.  
“Am I interrupting anything?”

Chris smiled, honestly happy to see the kid.

“Come here son.”

He tucked Jim in a one armed hug. It was quite awkward given that he was lying down and Jim was standing, but that really didn´t matter to Chris at the moment.

“You scared me Chris.” Jim mumbled into his shoulder.

Chris squeezed a little tighter.

“Thanks for saving me son.”

Jims´ eyes looked suspiciously wet when Chris released him from the hug, but Chris wasn´t faring any different.

“So why do you look like you had no sleep at all in the last days?”

Jim smiled a little rueful.

“You know Starfleet has a knack for meetings and debriefs and reports. I dunno how you all do it.”

Chris just shrugged, the aftermath of a crisis was always a hassle and with a crisis this big it must be hell.  
Jim sat down on a chair next to Chris other side.

“Good to see you Jim.” Phil chimed in. Jim smiled.

“Bones said you should go and meet him in his office while I´m here watching over Chris.”

“Hey I don´t need to be watched over.”

Jim and Phil just shared a look.

“Well I´ll better go see what Len wants then. Don´t do anything stupid while I´m gone”

Chris looked at him in disbelief. He just stared right back before he left for Lens´ office.

“Is there any paperwork or something I can help you with Jim? I´m just lying around here for the foreseeable future and you really look like you could use some sleep.”

“I´m pretty sure you´re lying around here because you are not supposed to work right now.”

“It won´t hurt me to do some paperwork, just leave me a PADD and send me everything you need done but don´t have time to actually do yourself. I a… was the Captain of the Enterprise after all. ”

“If Bones says it´s fine for you to do some paperwork I won´t object Chris. But I wanna live and if I enable you to do something you´re not supposed to Bones or Phil or both will definitely kill me.”

“Fine I´ll ask Len about it. You´re way too young to die after all.”

Jim grinned, “Right old man.”  
\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Jim´s visit posed an appreciated distraction after the disaster that was eating.

Chris would´ve been happy to bury the topic and never speak about it again, but he knew that it would come up sooner or later again.

There was no avoiding it really.

Being in active duty in Starfleet for as long as Chris was and being a Captain meant he was no stranger to the mental consequences of being tortured.

He had had his fair shares of close calls, but never with lasting consequences like this time. The worst had been a couple of weeks of medical leave and a couple of very long talks with his therapist.

He had a feeling that wouldn´t cut it this time.

He knew that mental health was important. If he hadn´t known before meeting Phil, Phil had instilled this knowledge in him. Putting your head in the sand and waiting for the storm to blow over was not that great a tactic, because buried stuff comes back to bite you in the ass from Chris experience.

Nevertheless just burying himself in work and going back to a relative normal sounded very appealing.

He was tired, it wasn´t even evening yet. Jim had just left and Chris had been silently glad, he couldn´t concentrate on Jims´ words anymore in the end, but as soon as he had left his thoughts had started to swirl.

Closing his eyes hadn´t held the thoughts at bay. To be honest when had it ever.

Now however he was felt himself sinking deeper into the covers, exhaustion tugging at him.  
Hadn´t he just been asleep before Jim came?

Maybe managing to stay awake for more than two or three hours at a time would have to come before any burying himself in work could occur.  
\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Phil shuffling in his chair woke him up again.

“Hey Phil, you gonna sleep here? Gotta be bad for your back.”

Phil smiled and nodded to a couch in one corner. Chris didn´t think it had been here earlier.

“Len convinced someone we needed that in here. They brought it in while you were sleeping just now.”

“Good, someone needs to take care of you as well. You need to also take care of yourself Phil!”

“I am Chris. I´m exactly where I want to be right now. Len told me he´d come by tomorrow to talk to you about your treatment plan. Now that your vitals seem to be stable he´ll add some therapy to your day I think. We´ll see what he says tomorrow.”

“I thought I´m not allowed any PT. Why the change of mind?”

“My best guess is they don´t want your muscles to atrophy too much, so some movement based program will be implemented. Most probably it´ll mainly be passive for you.”

“So someone will come to move me around and I´ll have to just lay here and let it happen?”

“Len will be able to explain it in more detail tomorrow. I just talked to him before he went in with some people to get a rough plan on the way.”

“Okay. Tomorrow.”

“How about we get some dinner into both of us.”

“Yeah because last time I ate it ended oh so well.”

“Chris you can´t just stop eating. If you don´t want anything to solid I can get you a meal replacement drink.”

Chris swallowed. He didn´t even know you could replace a whole meal with a drink.

“Ok, I guess something to drink then. I just can´t… I don´t wanna have another one Phil”

Even to his own ears his voice sounded weak and kind of broken.  
Phil squeezed his hand.

“Alright Chris, one drink for you and some canteen food for me coming up.”

The drink tasted a little bit like chocolate milk and wasn´t altogether bad. And what was even better Chris had no problem with getting it down.


End file.
